The Muppets Did It

The world’s largest retailer has been attempting to break into the East coast bastion of cacophonous, liberal mumbo jumbo, Manhattan. You know the island that we picked up for a handful of magic beans. Oops, that was Jack or was it Mrs. O’Leary’s cow? No that’s Chicago. I mean stole from the natives for some trinkets and a promise to infect their populations with small pox at a later date. Yes, Wal-Mart has been trying to invade and conquer Manhattan like it has done the rest of the world but it has been spurned at every turn. That evil reducer of prices and saver of the working man’s pocket book has tried to save the New Yorkers from spending too much on soap, deodorant and other household items. I guess their current stores must be much better that Wal-Mart because they do not promise lower prices.

Government, unions and public interest groups have been pushing to stop Wal-Mart from having a presence in Manhattan. They say that the practices of creating jobs and providing low cost products to the public would be damaging to the local economy. It would drive the established companies out that could not compete and devastate the local businesses. Since their wages are low and they don’t provide health insurance, it would drive up government sponsored health costs. Of course, no one has asked what the wages will be or looked at the actual healthcare that is offered. The unions don’t want to compete with a non-union shop that would demonstrate that the jobs can be done without perpetual breaks and continuous lunch. And the public interest groups read too many kook blogs and believe that the spotted owl has actually been sited on any property that Wal-Mart is looking at. As Bugs Bunny says, “Gull-a-bull.”

I think that Wal-Mart has taken the wrong approach to it public image campaign. They need to get with Disney and get the rights to use Kermit the Frog as their speaker. Together with Miss Piggy, they could tour the island and tout the benefits of what a local Wal-Mart super center would do for the average working Joe. Who could turn down a cute little Muppet? After all, what is a Muppet but someone putting word into the mouth of a felt covered character? And if you think about where the puppeteer’s hand is actually at, it is where most of the east coast liberals talk out of anyway. It is the perfect public relations campaign. Cute harmless puppets that would not hurt a flea representing the monolith of price conscious America. Maybe then, Wal-Mart could take Manhattan. But only if they had any dignity left.

Icool

Cobb